Last week, I wrote a post which listed some of my problems with the wording of the traditional Haggadah and with the modifications that over the past fifty years or so everyone seems to feel empowered to make. Now that the seders for this year are history, I can stop thinking about the Haggadah for the rest of the year. Now, all I have to do is to respond to the 8 days of Passover.

I have said this before, and I will say this again, but I don’t like any holidays. They disrupt my routine for (at least at this time of my life) no reason. I don’t seem to gain benefit from holiday religious functions, from festive meals (or non-festive fasting), or from partying in general. I like an undisturbed calendar, which allows me to spend most of my time as I want.

Of course, Passover is the ultimate routine messing-up holiday, lasting 8 days (4 days actual holidays and 4 days semi-holidays), and mandates dietary rules that are difficult to follow. And, of course, this is the point of it all. But…..

If your house is kosher for Passover, you see all sorts of changes. For one thing, you use different dishes, pots, pans and silverware. Of course, it is a pain to move all of these things and then move them all back again, but I really don’t mind doing that. It’s like exercise, so it’s OK. And I like our Passover dishes.

But the food changes, too, beyond what you might think. While there may not be any issues with fresh fruit and vegetables, processed foods generally must be marked kosher for Passover. That limits some foods altogether, and certainly limits brand that you might be accustomed to the rest of the year. A simple example: let’s say you like Ben & Jerry’s Cherry Garcia Ice Cream. Well, you can’t have it in your house on Passover. Do I understand why that is? No – to me, much of the requirement to have a “P” is simply a way for the certifying rabbis to be able to send their kids to expensive yeshivas. But, that’s the way it is.

And then there is the central question of “no leavening”. Do I understand why matzoh is OK, but bread is not? Not really. And now that everyone is so sophisticated and can make Passover rolls that look and taste just like ordinary rolls, do I understand why that is OK? Not really.

To make matters more confusing, I understand that the five grains prohibited on Passover (unless refined in a way that avoids the prohibition) are wheat, barley, oats, rye and spelt. Yet, at the same time, I understand that matzoh, which must be made without leavening (which, as I say, I really don’t understand) must be made with one of the five prohibited grains. Go figure. (I have also read that, due to translation issues, oats may really not be oats, but a kind of barley – but it is a few thousand years too late to change this one).

Then there is a question of what is known as kitnyot, certain types of grains and similar foods that the Ashkenazic rabbis, in their wisdom, have decided should also be prohibited on Passover, but which Sephardic and Mizrachi rabbis have decided can be eaten on Passover. This includes legumes, and corn, and rice and a number of other things. So think of this confusion – what do you do if you are Ashkenazic and your Sephardic friend invites you over for dinner. Do you eat as if you are Sephardic in their house? Does your friend agree not to serve you any food that is not approved by the Ashkenazic rabbis? Or do you say, “I can’t come because you have cooked rice in your house on Passover and therefore I can’t eat anything you make this week”. Or do you just ignore your Sephardic friends over Passover. See the confusion?

And then there’s another “rule” that the majority wins – so that, as I understand it, in Israel where the majority of Jews are Sephardic, the Sephardic rules are supposed to apply to everyone. But do you think you can enforce that against observant Ashkenazic Jews?

It is all just confusing. And I don’t know why I am bothering to talk about any of this today in this post, because there’s nothing I can do about it, and I don’t really want to think about it.

You ask about me. Let’s just say I am Ashkenazic in my house and Sephardic outside of my house. And that I think back warmly on that Passover maybe 25 years ago, when I was on a business trip in Charleston West Virginia and ordered dinner in the dining room of the Marriott Hotel, forgetting all about Passover and enjoying a normal dinner. Guess what. Lightning did not strike, nothing evil occurred and life went on. And one more thing: what happens in Charleston, stays in Charleston.

All right, I think this might bet he most chaotic post I have ever written. ’twill be better tomorrow. (Should I have capitalized ’twill?) By the way, I am not even going to proof this one…..