When I was much younger, anxiety was my enemy. Why I became anxious, and why I couldn’t easily escape, I don’t know. What helped was a dose of so of Librium, which I consider a wonder drug, but which is now proscribed, not prescribed, because it apparently is habit forming. Nobody asked my opinion.

For the past 50 years or so, anxiety hasn’t really been a problem. Every now or then, I feel anxious, it may affect my sleep one night, and then it fades away. Often, I don’t know why it comes, or why it leaves when it does.

Today, maybe I do. In a few hours, we fly to St. Louis and in a few days drive to Kansas City and then back to St. Louis. So, you wonder. So what? For one thing, this will be our first time in an airport and on an airplane since September 2019. That’s almost 4 years.

So we are out of practice. How early should we be at the airport? We already “checked in” and have boarding passes, but what does that mean? Do we still go to the check in desk (we have baggage to check) or right to the X-ray machine? Is TSA going to nix anything in our carry-ons? Do we wear a mask in the airport, or on the plane? Has something else changed?

It’s not that we haven’t traveled in the past 4 years. We have driven to New England and upstate New York several times. We have driven to and from St. Louis. And a few months ago, we drove to Florida and South Carolina. But no planes.

So this may be one cause for my anxiety.

Then there’s illness. One of my close relatives in St. Louis has some serious chronic issues and there is always a question as to how she will be. Then, an old and very good friend has recently been diagnosed with a severe prostate condition and is very uncomfortable waiting for surgery. We had planned to spend some time with him and now may not be able to. Another cause for anxiety.

When we are in St. Louis, we generally see the same group of friends and relatives. Well, we have some plans this trip, but some of our regulars are in New York, Hilton Head and South Africa. How should we fill out time? Anxiety provoking?

Kansas City is a wedding of the son of my late first cousin. Naturally, it brings back memories of my cousin, with whom I was close and who died much too soon. As part of this part of the trip, the four remaining first cousins on my father’s side are planning on getting together. We live in Washington, Kansas City, Hot Springs AK, and Portland OR. We all recognize that this may be our final full get together. And there are the six cousins no longer with us.

Finally, the 2 1/2 day KC portion of the trip requires us to be downtown, in the Country Club District, Lee’s Summit MO and Overland Park KS. And everything depends on Alamo having our car ready at the St. Louis airport, and a car that is the right size, clean and easy to drive.

I know my anxiety will leave me. But, until then, it’s right here with me in the room.