Chaos, Cruelty and Corruption

Donald Trump leaves Calgary a day early so he can solve the problems between Iran and Israel. He doesn’t want to try to arrange a ceasefire, but wants to arrange something bigger than that.

What could be bigger than that? We don’t know, but we do know that Donald Trump would like to see the population of Tehran leave the city. That sounds easy enough – there are only about 10,000,000 people in Tehran.

Now, why would Donald Trump want 10,000,000 people to leave Tehran? One possibility is that he would like to move 2,000,000 people from Gaza and 3,500,000 people from the West Bank into Tehran. Once they are settled, Donald Trump can then select 4,500,000 undocumented people currently in the United States and transport them all to Tehran, which will become the most cosmopolitan city in the world, filled with people of ambition and grit. They will be allowed to build their families’ future in the new Tehran (to be renamed Trump, Trump, Trump) with only one limitation. They will not (for reasons that should be obvious) be allowed to travel outside of the city except with permission of the Trump family. They will kept in by a Big Beautiful Wall, to be paid for by Mexico.

Now, this satisfies Israel’s problems, so that Israel can now without resistance expand itself from the river to the sea, and it solves the Big Beautiful Illegal Immigration Problem in which the United States has found itself. But (and you are probably smart enough to see this), it does not solve the problem of the 10,000,000 residents of Tehran who have left the city. Donald Trump does not classify this as a problem. For one thing, he says, 10,000,000 is just a number (to prove his point, he names other numbers that are just numbers, like 6 or 134,555,201 or 2/3). For another, he believes that all of these 10,000,000 have friends or relatives in other parts of Iran who would love to have them come and live with them; Donald Trump has read that hospitality is a hallmark of Iranian society.

Donald Trump believes that some of these 10,000,000 from Tehran might want to leave the country. He would welcome into the United States anyone who will pay $5,000,000 into the U.S. Treasury. This would be part of his proposed “Gold Card” immigration program (don’t believe me? Google it.). Let’s say that 200,000 residents of Tehran have $5,000,000 and want to come to the United States. I quote Commerce Secretary Howard “The Brain” Lutnick: “At 200,000 people, that’s a trillion dollars”. Donald Trump again understands that these are numbers, and that numbers are what makes the world go round. Howard “The Brain” Lutnick knows that if you can find 7,200,000 Iranians or others who will pay $5 million to come into the United States, that “trillion dollars” will grow to $36,000,000,000,000 dollars (that’s another, more frightening, way to write 36 trillion), and the National Debt will be totally wiped out.

So, let’s see. We have solved the Israel problem, the Iran problem, the Palestinian problem and the American problem. By the way, I did read Tom Friedman’s column this morning where he tried to suggest sort of a way that might in some instances begin to solve the Israel and Iran problem with a little luck (make that “with a lotta luck”), and was surprised that Friedman did not think big like I am. So tell me again, why does Friedman get the big bucks?

A digression. Speaking of big bucks (and moving to a different level altogether), we had dinner last week for about the third or fourth time this year at our neighborhood best restaurant, Buck’s Fishing and Camping, and once again I give it an A. I had a Parmesan encrusted trout (where do they find trout swimming covered in cheese?), which was delicious. (I guess this is why Buck’s should pay me the big bucks.) End of digression.

Speaking of numbers, I assume you have been reading about DOGE and Social Security and the Musk statements that 40% of the phone inquiries received by the Social Security Administration were fraudulent? Well, it turns out that 40% was, yes, just a number disconnected with reality, and that a very high level administrator knew that, but was told by Katie Miller (the charming wife of the equally charming Stephen Miller, of course) who was working at the White House but is now working for Elon Himself, that “The number is 40%. Do not contradict the president.” So, there.

Okay, one last thing. There is a front page article that says that Buc-ee’s is opening its first shop in Mississippi (in Pass Christian, by the way, a name that offended me when I first heard it in junior high school). Upon recommendation of a friend with whom we supped in Florida in March, we stopped at a Buc-ee’s in Georgia or maybe it was South Carolina or it could have been North Carolina on the way home. Have you been to one? It’s as large as the Wegman’s on Wisconsin Avenue (that is not a compliment) or any Costco (also not a complement) and, I was amazed to see, had not one thing that I wanted at all. Not one thing. ‘One”, by the way is also a number, a very small one. “Not one” may or may not be a number, depending on how you define it. If “not one” might mean two or three, then it is a number. But if “not one” means “none”, then I don’t really think that’s a number. But, I could be wrong.

Do you ever wonder if I sit down to write a blog having no plan whatsoever? You can wonder no longer.

Chaos, Cruelty, Corruption