For forty years, I practiced law in DC. I retired in early 2012, now almost 13 years ago. I have no regrets about my career, and no regrets about retiring. When I stopped working, I was so determined to move away from any temptation to change my mind, that I stopped paying my dues to the DC Bar. I am still classified as “suspended”.

Then why is it, I ask, that I still have “work dreams”, dreams of being a lawyer, on a regular basis, and according to repetitive patterns?

Here are some of my recurrent dreams.

(1) I am told that an out of town client wants me to come to his office so we can move his situation forward. He doesn’t tell me by telephone. In fact, his initial communication is not part of the dream. But somehow, I get the message.

The problem is that I don’t really remember him, and I certainly don’t remember what I did, or should be doing, for him. It’s not his mistake. It’s mine. I know he’s a client. I know I am supposed to be doing something. I don’t know what it is. I feel guilty and very embarrassed.

Sometimes the dream peters out here during my prep for the trip. Sometimes I start the trip, which usually ends in confusion. Like I wind up in Portland ME, and he’s in Portland OR. Or I miss my plane, because I left for the airport too late. Or I get to the airport and can’t find where the gates are. Those sorts of things. In none of these dreams do we meet.

(2) I have retired from practicing, but either because I missed it or because my firm needed me and asked me to return, I returned. I work hard, just like I always did, and am an integral part of the office. The problem is that I neglected to work out any salary arrangements when I returned and the consequence is that I am not being paid. This has been going on for some times (usually several years), and although I am not short on funds, I feel that I should be compensated. I am convinced this situation is the result of my pay being overlooked. I don’t think the firm is trying to take advantage of me. I try unsuccessfully to calculate what I should be paid – how many hours I work a week, how much business I bring in, and so forth. I make plans to talk to those in power to rectify the situation, but the meeting never takes place.

(3) The office is moving, or it has moved. This is the basis of several plot lines. In one, I go to my office and it has been cleared out. In another, I look for my new office, and it doesn’t seem to exist; I am told to sit in the hall. For a third, the office is new, and I can’t figure it out. Where is the door? What building is it in? Where does this hall go? Who are these people? Where is the elevator?

(4) I am at a conference or large meeting of lawyers. It is not the first time I have been here, but I don’t see anyone I know. Everyone is new to me and, I think, very young. Someone is speaking, but I can’t concentrate on what they are saying. I am very uncomfortable. I have to leave. But when I get outside, I don’t know where I am, or which direction is the right one. I look around. The city is unrecognizable.