First, something that I should admit at the start. I don’t like holidays. I don’t think I ever really have. Some people, of course, love holidays, and can’t wait for the next one. Some people take holiday customs as being very important and wouldn’t let one go by without having a Christmas tree, or changing dishes, or fasting until the sun goes down. My attitude is different. To me, holidays are always an unwelcome interruption of my routine, and generally I like my routine.

But there are some good things about Thanksgiving that set it above other holidays, to my way of thinking. First, virtually everyone in America celebrates it. It is not limited to this religion or that, or this ethnic group or that. Secondly, except for everyone getting together to eat for dinner, there are no rituals involved. I like that. Third, it doesn’t make any difference whether you are a “believer”, or not.

The history of Thanksgiving is interesting and because it is both interesting and history, it is important. But it is not important with regard to how the holiday is celebrated. I find that good. Most people take the name of the holiday literally – we should be thankful for what we have – and don’t look back to see who was invited to the first dinner, were there signs then as to what would eventually happen to American Indians. etc. There is no Thanksgiving Haggadah.

Everyone should be thankful for what they have, and – although this should be recognized every day – it’s nice to have a day where we are reminded of this. It is better to go through life with a positive attitude than with a negative one, and maybe a reminder to be thankful helps us do this. But we shouldn’t become too self-centered when we feel thankful. Even though this is an American holiday, we should feel that we being in America is crucial to our being able to be thankful. We certainly shouldn’t let Thanksgiving feed into feelings of American exceptionalism. By now, I think we know that we are not exceptional.

Similarly, we shouldn’t look at others in other places or other circumstances with pity and think “there but for the grace of God go I”. There are a lot of misguided adages hanging around, and I always felt this was one of the most despicable. It assumes that there is a God who has decided to make my lot better than someone else’s, as a conscious (whatever that means when referring to a God) decision. And of course, it means that God decided I should be better off than that other guy, and that’s OK. Sadly, that may be the necessary consequence of belief in a God, who focuses on and has control over the individual, and many religions are of course based on just that type of belief.

Most of my Thanksgivings have been very nice – with family, with friends, with good food. No complaints. But there were a couple of Thanksgivings that I would have liked to have been able to do over.

The one my children remember is the one we went to St. Louis to celebrate (a lot of Thanksgivings in St. Louis over my life), when my sister was suffering from the lymphoma that eventually took her life. We all flew to St. Louis and I promptly got sick – as I recall it was some sort of a stomach bug. I stayed in a suburban hotel (I guess Edie stayed in the hotel, too, maybe, while the kids stayed with a cousin), and because my sister was immune compromised, I didn’t see her at all. I spent Thanksgiving Day by myself in my hotel room. I had no real appetite, although I knew I should eat something. All I wanted was a Swiss cheese sandwich (on rye? on wheat? I don’t remember) with mustard, and a coke. That is what I wanted.

I think my brother didn’t think that was what I wanted, so he went out and got me Chinese carryout, which he left outside my door. I did not want Chinese carry out, but I opened it up and what I saw was some sort of mushroom and noodle concoction, which (even though I didn’t eat it) set my recovery back several days. Finally, I got my Swiss cheese sandwich, which was delicious.

My most difficult Thanksgiving was during my first year of law school, in 1964. I didn’t want to fly back home, I was invited to a few places, but I didn’t really want to go anywhere. It seemed to me that I should just stay in New Haven, catch up on all my class work (I think I had a paper to write – maybe not). Law school was still new to me and, to be perfectly honest, I was lost. There were classes that I didn’t understand at all, cases that I couldn’t comprehend, and so forth, and I thought this would give a chance to go back and review what we had learned the first couple of months and give me a fresh start.

I was living in a law school dorm (my roommate had gone back to North Carolina), and I figured there would be some people hanging around like me, and that we would get a group together for a Thanksgiving dinner somewhere.

Wrong. As far as I know, I was the only law student who made that dumb choice. When I looked around the campus on Thursday morning, it was deserted. Not just a few people. Zero people.

I went out to get breakfast. Every place within walking distance was closed. I did have a car, but for some reason, I didn’t want to get in it, and just roam around. I remember going back to the law school, and getting something to eat and drink out of the vending machines. And the vending machines were just basic vending machines – candy bars and potato chips. That sort of thing. And that’s what I had for breakfast.

Oh, and I had the same thing for lunch.

I remember at about 5 or 6, I went out again, to get my “Thanksgiving dinner”. With all of the restaurants around the Yale campus, I was sure some would be open. I started walking. Closed. Closed. Closed. Closed.

Finally, I found a Chinese restaurant that was open. I went in and ordered dinner. I was the only customer.

That was Thursday – I still had Friday, Saturday and Sunday in front of me. Food would no longer be a problem, but I was still the only person around, and I will say the feeling of loneliness was surprisingly overwhelming.

That was the last time I ever did anything as misguided as that.