I don’t know anything about cocaine. To me, it’s something that happens on television. Maybe all you are regular users, but keep it hidden when I’m around. Or maybe you don’t invite me over in order to protect me. Either way, it’s fine.

But now, cocaine has made the White House. And the question is how did it get there. Do cocaine users often leave their cocaine behind? Isn’t that something you learn not to do in Cocaine I?

Of course, Donald has already decided it must belong to Joe and Hunter. Perhaps because they never took Cocaine I? Could be, I guess. I can imagine how it happened. Hunter walks into his dad’s office and says: “Dad, remember that cocaine you gave me last year? Well, look, I still have it. I am clean.” Joe responds in ASL: “Shh! Be quiet. Everything here is being recorded. Drop it!!!” And Hunter did. Right where he was standing.

We don’t need an investigation. Problem solved.

But let’s stick with the cocaine. Anyone ever been to the oceanside community of Rabo de Peixe? Probably not. It’s a fishing village of about 10,000 on the non-touristy side of the largest island in the Azores. And it was the home of what may have been the largest cocaine spill in the history of the world.

About 40 years ago, a small Italian cargo ship was on a cocaine delivery (I’m not sure where it was going. Do you know, President Reagan?) When it ran into an unexpected major squall (Maybe I should keep track of when I use interesting words for the first time) threatened the ship. To save the boat and crew, the Italians came up with a plan. Put the cocaine bricks into nets and throw them overboard. Later when things are calm, they can be retrieved.

But things didn’t work out that way. The survivors couldn’t put back to sea and before they developed Plan B, the cocaine began to wash up into the shore. Many people were upset. The crew, of course. The Big Italians who owned and shipped the drug. The would be recipients. The Azorian and Portuguese police. To name a few.

But others were ecstatic. Namely, the impoverished residents of Rabo de Peixe, who ran to the beach and scarfed (another first word) as much up as they could.

Apparently a lot followed, and the peaceful town of Rabo de Peixe was peaceful no more.

I don’t know what really happened,and the only reason I know anything about this is the new 7 episode Netflix series, “To Turn the Tide”, which I recommend with the following caveats: first, it’s ficti, so don’t think otherwise. Second, parts of it are very raw and violent, so be prepared for that. And third, it’s one of the few series that gets better as time goes on. After episodes 1 and 2, I wasn’t sure I should keep going. But the general plot and the character development is worth it. Trust me.

By the way, as we are planning to go to Portugal in a few weeks, I was interested in seeing how much Portuguese I would understand. Turns out that I don’t even need to think about this. Do you realize that whenever anyone speaks Portuguese, there are subtitles?

Well,there you have it. Me and cocaine. That’s all, folks.