I have been attending Passover seders for 83 years now. Not always two each year, so not 186 seders. But maybe an average of 1.5 seders a year, which would bring me to about 125 seders. Of course, if you asked me to describe and rank the 125 seders, I attended, you would find that I don’t remember most of them at all.
But I do remember the seders that I attended for the first, say, ten years of my life. Each year, my grandparents, our family, and my Aunt Loraine and her family would be invited to a seder at Mima Gitel’s.
Gitel Chervitz Ridker was my mother’s father’s (also known as my grandfather) aunt, making her my great, great aunt. There were a lot of kids in the Chervitz family, but most of them were gone before I could ever be expected to remember them. Gitel lived a long life, along with her husband David Ridker, known as Fetter Duvid. Duvid and Ridker lived with their daughter, Myrtle, her husband, Oscar, and their son, Neil. Their house was only a few blocks away from ours.
Of course, there are things I do not remember. For example, I do not remember if Gitel and Duvid spoke English. Their natural language was Yiddish (they were from the same town in Ukraine that my great, great plus many greats grandfather the Baal Shem Tov lived in), and if they spoke English, it was an English that they mumbled and that I couldn’t as a child understand.
Gitel was born in 1874, and Duvid in 1870. If we are talking about seders held between, say, 1943 and 1953, Fetter Duvid was between 73 and 83, and Mima Gitel between 69 and 79. I am obviously older now than they were, but to me (and maybe to them, as well), they were ancient then. They also were different – coming from another part of the world unknown to me, but clearly not at all like University City, Missouri. I should add that they both lived into the 1960s, and into their 90s, but we saw them very little after my grandfather died at 66 in 1953. Our fault? Perhaps. Beyond “perhaps”. Our fault, probably.
Back to the seders. You know how they say that seders are usually for the kids? Telling them the story laid out in the Haggadah, and so forth. Well, not these seders. We were superfluous at best. Gitel and Duvid were East European traditional. Does this mean they were orthodox? I suppose so, and certainly would have said so growing up. But, come to think of it, I have no idea if they belonged to, or attended, a synagogue. And as for Myrtle and Oscar, and Myrtle’s sister Rose and her husband Ben? Again, I have absolutely no idea.
But the seders droned on, and we sat their politely (I think). I also think that the entire seder was in Hebrew, going through the standard Haggadah word for word. I could be wrong, but I certainly don’t remember going around the table, everyone reading a paragraph. And the four questions? I don’t think I ever had to ask them at their house. And I don’t remember who did. I could have been considered both too young, and too uneducated. The younger kids certainly did not participate. Maybe Rose and Ben’s son Edward, who was probably 10 or 15 years older than I was?
I think that Duvid and maybe Oscar conducted the seder. Certainly, no women were involved. There was also someone named Nachman, who every year came down from, maybe, Detroit, to attend the seder. I think he was a Chervitz relative, the son of one of the Chervitz siblings, but I am not sure. He would appear for the seder and never be heard from or of any other time.
I was expected to sit through the first part of the seder, before the meal was served. I am not sure who cooked the meal. Myrtle? Gitel? Or was it their maid, who helped serve, clear the table and, I assume, do the dishes. I don’t remember the name of their maid (of course), but she was there every year. (Every family I knew growing up in St. Louis then had an African-American maid, and they were integral to the family’s well being.)
The seder continued after the dinner. I remember spending that time in the living room (with the other kids?) hearing the droning go on. The afikomen? I am sure I was involved in that. No memory.
My grandfather was obviously very close to Gitel. Every Friday, she baked challah, and her would go and pick it up from her house. After my grandfather passed away, our connection with that house loosened. It is possible that my mother’s sister, my Aunt Loraine, kept in closer contact. I suspect she did.
But for my mother (my father clearly had no more of a connection to them than I did), the rhythm of her life and the rhythm of their lives had absolutely nothing in common, and she was not one to identify with past generations. So, although Duvid and Gitel lived to the 1960s, and Myrtle and Oscar (and Rose) lived to the 1990s, I don’t remember any further contact with them. Neil, on the other hand, who was five years younger than I, lived a troubled and much too short life.
After we stopped going to Gitel’s for Passover, we had a seder every year in our house, but it was hardly the same. It was very relaxed. We did have Haggadah’s , but we never got very far in the, and we never had a second act after the meal. When I went away to college, I think I had seders every year with my room mate Bob’s family in Belmont, Massachusetts. Always nice, more like my family’s, not at all like at Gitel’s.
And then, I was grown up. And pretty soon, I was in charge.













